WAHM Personal Diaries

A Quick Pause

I just got off work and I am so drained but I’m happy it’s finally my off. Wow, July’s almost up, 1 more month and the BER months are back!

I can’t tell if the time is fast or slow anymore. It feels like time flies but I also feel like Dane has been away for a veeeeery, very long time! Ugh, why do I feel so exhausted right now? šŸ™

I didn’t do my usual blog routine, I didn’t do my daily journal and I didn’t write any review last Wednesday. It’s funny because I just wrote about not stopping the good work that we’re doing on my devotion last Sunday, and here I am, literally pausing from what I’m usually doing.

I don’t know, I can’t seem to think straight during the past few days. I’ve been having on & off stomach ache and I felt too lazy to write. Or maybe, my brain drained and couldn’t think anymore, lol. Whatever the reason is, I paused writing. I don’t know what to write anymore. You see, my devotion was definitely for me. But in my mind – what good will others benefit if I write my daily thoughts? What good will it get if I write a review? In short, nagpadala ako sa sulsol that all this is nothing, that I’m writing for nothing and no one’s reading my posts.

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I feel so down deep inside and I don’t know why. My salary may have something to do with it. lol. I have to be honest, every time my salary comes, I have the list on where the money should go. I get frustrated kasi di natutupad ang nasa list – possible reasons are: unforeseen expenses and overspending.

Let me tell you this, we live a very simple life, I try to save as much as I can pero feeling ko ang konti ng nasi-save ko. And I can’t even treat myself sometimes, ‘coz my pay has already been allotted from savings down to expenses. I want to be able to have a sideline, I got one but I had to let go ‘coz I felt that pay is not worth the time I spend for it. I wanted to have a little business pero wala din, natatakot ako and I don’t know where to start. I wanted to do things but I can’t because I needed to look after my son. Not that I don’t like it, but sometimes, I wished I have 2 bodies so I can do so many things at the same time. Like learn new hobbies, or attend my online courses, while taking care of my son, you know what I mean?

Then there are times that I feel so tired, that I don’t want to move.  I know I’m writing so many things already but you see, I’m not even sure where this post is going anymore and why I’m writing this! haha. Or maybe this is just because of my hormones, or maybe I just missed my husband so much, or maybe, I’m just sad ‘coz it seems that Nate is sick, or maybe, I just want to sleep. I don’t know.

Enough of this none sense whining. I think this is caused by all the supcalls that I needed to do earlier. Mauubos ang lakas mo pag galit ang mga kausap mo sa telepono. And the fact na kailangan kong tawagan ang mga customers na to bilang supervisor para i-pacify sila at i-try na bigyan ng option, nakakapagod isipin.

Thankfully, it’s my off now, so I really need to do some de-stressing right to refresh my mind and body. I’ll start it with a good sleep. I have so many things planned today, and I hope Nate is fine, may sinat sya pero hindi sya fussy so I’m not sure what the problem is.

I’m not gonna worry about the blog posts I missed to post anymore, after all, my blog schedule is just my personal guide so I know what to post/share if I run out of ideas to share. I hope by next week, I can have all the renewed strength that I need to keep going.  Besides, August na next week so new month, new life, new hope, new challenges to face!

With God’s grace and strength, I can do this. I’ll get through this.

image source: Pinterest
Yes, this message is for me! I have to keep going!

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